Love this story -- just have a grammar nitpick. The way you've placed your dialog is really confusing. Each piece of dialog generally warrants its own paragraph. It helps the reader keep track of who is speaking. The way you have it, with everyone's dialog in the same paragraph, is endlessly confusing. Other than that, you're well on your way to an excellent story! I do hope this helps you a bit -- I'd prefer to be a happy grammar fairy, rather than a nazi. Happy writing!

This is a good story but you definitely need a beta. The format you are using for your story is very confusing and several times I wanted to stop reading it because of it. It's hard to differentiate between who is speaking by your setup. Hit ENTER when a new character begins to speak. You definitely need a help with your paragraph structure. When you get help please go back and change your first chapters as this introduces everyone to your story. Good luck! I hope to see more from you and with improvement!

Very nicely done! Though apparently Sesshoumaru is the one who did something wrong, you make the reader feel sympathy for him. Very very well done. I would like more thanks :)