A Stitch in Time Saves Nine by Ayako Rin

Prologue

I never thought that I would feel this way. There were times that I would feel sad and depressed but it was never like this. Pain, anger, torment, is not even close to what I am feeling now. Useless, I am completely and utterly useless. I've always hated the feeling of being useless. The feeling of being unable to help anyone is torture. It is far worse than my friends getting hurt, and much worse than watching Inuyasha and Kikyo together. Some people might view this as pathetic, after all the thing I most fear is uselessness! If someone were to look at me right now they would probably think

"Geez, doesn't that girl have a life!?"

The answer is simple. No, I really don't. My time hunting shards in the Feudal Era has robbed me of that. I gave up everything and for that I am left with absolutely nothing. No, I take it back I am left with nothing but misery. I am reduced to a pile of worthless trash, unable to do anything but wallow in self-pity. Now any optimistic and altruistic person would probably tell me

"Don't worry about it Kagome! Everything will be fine! Isn't this really the best ending anyone can hope for? Naraku is dead! Everyone is alive and well! You have friends here! I understand your sorrow but you've got to stand up. Nothing good will come of this. Come on! Put yourself back together."

Yes, Naraku is dead. Yes, everyone received their own happy ending. Kikyo "died" and was able to peacefully move on in the end. Kohaku had come back to life thanks Sesshoumaru. And Kouga, after finally being able to have his revenge, fulfilled his promise to Ayame. That is, the promise under the moon's rainbow. Sesshoumaru...well...Sesshoumaru...He didn't seem to have anything taken from him. I'm assuming he went off to do whatever demon lords do. Sango and Miroku, they both admitted their love for each other and are going to have their wedding soon...hopefully. Inuyasha my stubborn, arrogant and beloved friend/brother is alive and well. In fact, more than well. Not long after the destruction of Naraku, a hanyou girl had come to the village hurt and bruised. She and Inuyasha became inseperable ever since.

I am Useless...

Useless...

Usless...

USELESS!!!!!!!

"Why are you so unhappy if everything turned out so well. Is it because Inuyasha never fell in love with you? Are you in that much pain because of it?"

No, Inuyasha is more of a brother. It was something I figured out way before the final battle.

"So what's keeping you from being happy? The closed well? Surely it is not due to the well? You have friends here, have they not ebbed away your pain? It is understandable to mourn for the lost of your family, your home, but to this extent?"

The thing that is keeping me unhappy is my uselessness. My selfishness is what makes me unhappy. In fact my misery must be the most silliest thing in the world. It would be alright if I was like this due to the closed well but its not...

You want to know why I'm unhappy? Why this uselessness? It's simple. No one NEEDS me. What have I to really and truly live for? No, don't go talking yet let me finish. I have TRIED, with all my might I go about and SMILE everyday at my friends. I wish them HAPPINESS and HEALTH and PROSPERITY but it just doesn't work anymore! I am uneeded...I am unwanted. While I may feel the care of my friends it doesn't give me a purpose, something to live for. Yes! I am envious of Sango and Miroku, their love, their coming family. I am jealous of Inuyasha and his bright future with Mitsuko. It's not that I am resentful nor am I seeking someone to love and be loved. I just need a purpose, something to do. If I don't have anything to do, then all my feelings will catch up to me. It's silly and ridiculous as I said before. I KNOW this. But it is fact that I am USELESS. All I do is get in the way of Sango and Miroku's relationship. Inuyasha can't fully pay attention to Mitsuko because he keeps thinking about my feelings that I no longer have. Kaede, while growing old over the years, doesn't need me either. There is already another miko at the village assisting her for anything that she needs. I can't help anyone. And while I am all ready a fully trained miko I cannot trust myself enough, I don't have the confidence enough to do it alone. If I try to do it again then I'll be ruining more lives. I bring nothing but trouble to all I meet.

"What you say is different from what is actually happening. You say that you feel useless because you are unneeded. But at the same time you say that you need to be useful to forget your feelings. You wish to forget your feelings because of your uselessness. It is a confusing cycle that goes on and on again.

There is something that you are not saying. What your feeling now is not silly it is something much deeper. What has really happened to you? You said that you've ruined lives. Explain."

How can I explain such a terrible thing? How can I tell of the horrors that happened to the village that I was responsible for? I, a miko, one who is suppose to be pure and strong, have led a massacre upon a defenseless village. What explanation is needed!? I am constantly reliving that night. The night where the moon turned red and tears of blood fell at my feet.

Horrifying screams ring out in the night. Flames burn and engulf the village with its deadly heat. The light stings, it blazes, it kills. Bodies lay spread out everywhere. They range from dismemberment to decapitation. The smell of rotting and burning flesh was so strong that even the other villages could smell it. But the most bone chilling and haunting thing is the eyes of all the villagers. Even in their dead state they are staring at me, accusing me. Bathed in their own blood, they all slowly rise up and face me. Slowly, step by step coming nearer and nearer until their able to claw at me. They groan and their cold fingers grab at me, some seem to try and choke me. They mutter and moan, speaking inaudible words as I drown in the masses, allowing them to take me...Their eyes forever accusing, forever hateful.

No I can't do anything alone. You're right, Inuyasha and the others was an excuse so I can try and lessen the pain. That's why I'm useless. I don't want to be a burden, yet I am! I don't want to rely on others so much, but I do! I've tried to stand on my own, I have! But it ended in a massacre.

If only...

If only I wasn't so...

pathetic...

so...

careless...

so...

weak...

so...

useless...

~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~

Please send any comments and flames for this story. I REALLY want to know what you think! T-T And yes I apologize for the grammar and bad construction of sentences....

Oh and please only CONSTRUCTIVE flames...I mean....i need to know WHAT I'm doing wrong right!?

~Rin 3