When My Heart Shatters by Utena

Not Gon' Cry

Author's Notes: I have been working on this one for a few days on and off. It may be some time before the next part of this comes out. I am still trying to decide whether this will end on a happy note or end the way my muse wants to - unhappily. So, we are currently at an impasse when it comes to the direction it will go. >>


When My Heart Shatters

By Utena















While all the time that I was loving you

You were busy loving yourself

I would stop breathing if you told me to

Now you're busy loving someone else

Not Gon’ Cry by Mary J. Blige

As the limo rolled to a stop, Kagome glanced out the darkened window at the small private plane that had been geared up and awaiting her arrival. Just outside stood both the pilot and the stewardess were waiting for her arrival to see to her comfort and settlement before departure. She had never seen either of them before and she could only assume that Inuyasha, in his rare moments of wisdom, had seen to it that the pilot and stewardess were fresh members of his team and ones who probably had no idea exactly who she was.

For Kagome, this was for the best. She just wanted to get herself up on the plane and set a course that would take her to her sister and brother-in-law’s home far away from here.

“My lady,” Akito murmured softly drawing Kagome from her thoughts.

She slid out of the seat and hurried toward the plane, only to pause and glance back at the older yokai. She knew he was risking a lot for taking her here without Sesshomaru’s knowledge and she was thankful. She moved back to him once more, hugged and kissed his cheek, and whispered, “Thank you for everything.”

The older yokai was stunned by the gesture but nevertheless, he welcomed it. He had always known his young mistress as nothing but generous and her affections for her staff were quite well-known.

“Please be careful, Kagome-sama,” the yokai replied with a sad smile. He hated to see her go and wished more than anything he could do something to change it all for her.

“I promise,” she told him. She pulled away and opened her purse to retrieve a single piece of paper, holding it out to him. “If something happens, Akito-san, and you need help. Call me.”

He glanced down at the paper and took it. He folded it back up and placed it in his pocket. He was certain that once his boss learned the truth, he would need to call her. But first, he would return to the manor and speak to the rest of staff and give them a heads up. If anything, they needed to be told of Kagome’s departure and more importantly, they needed to know what an idiot their boss was.

Kagome gave him one more sad smile and she turned, heading up the small steps and ducking into the interior of the plane. He watched both pilot and stewardess follow behind and saw that as his cue to depart. He moved around back to the driver’s door and entered the limo, starting it up, and maneuvering it down the path he had driven up earlier.

Once inside, Kagome took the first seat she saw nearest to the window and sat down. She glanced out and could see some of the early workers milling around and preparing for the next shift that would probably be coming in once they departed.

“Taisho-sama,” the stewardess greeted her lady with a bow, “is there anything I can get for you before our departure?”

Drawing her attention away from the window to the woman, Kagome smiled. “Call me Kagome,” she said. “Taisho is what they call my mate.”

“Very well, Kagome-sama,” the woman said uncertainly if it were even appropriate to call her lady by her first name. She was much different from the other clients she had flown with. This one was friendlier and much less formal. “Can I get you anything?”

“A tea please?” Kagome said buckling herself into her seat and trying to squash the nervous feeling that was rising within her. She wanted them to be gone from the ground as she had no idea how her mate would react once he found that she had left him. “Do you know when we are departing?”

The stewardess glanced over at the closed door of the cockpit and then looked back to her mistress. “I believe the captain said that we would be leaving in about two minutes.”

“Excellent,” Kagome replied relieved as she sank back comfortably in her chair. “I will take that tea the moment the pilot has us once in the air.”

“Of course, Kagome-sama,” the stewardess said and made her way to the back and her own chair.

Alone again, Kagome turned her gaze once more to the outside of the plane. She could feel the tears gathering once more in her eyes. A hand reached up to brush the tears away when she caught sight of the wedding ring and band glistening in the light. Sesshomaru had gifted her the ring just after they had mated. He knew that not everyone would be able to see the mating mark upon her shoulder, but the ring would offer some proof to his claim.

Kagome removed them from her finger and let them weigh in the palm of her hand. She saw no need to keep them anymore. In fact, she decided that the rings were worthless to her now. Long ago, they were symbolic to her mating and now they were cold just as the man who placed them on her finger.

A jostle from the plane drew her away from her rings and back toward the window. They were moving and heading toward one of the runways to begin their taxing. Her fingers curled around the rings and tossed them into her purse. The moment she arrived in Hawaii she planned to get rid of them. She did not need them anymore to remind her of a marriage – and mating – that she wanted no part anymore.

Kagome sighed softly. She hated she was still crying over a man – or rather yokai – who cared little for any of her feelings. She wished more than anything she had never met him nor even allowed herself to be caught up in the fantasy that he was her prince. If she had not been blinded by love, she would have seen what he was really and maybe it would have saved her the heartache.

But she could not deny that she had loved him. She had loved him more than anything in this world and she would have done everything and anything he asked for. He had claimed every bit of her heart and soul and all he had done was crush it in his claws. She could not help but wonder if he ever loved her or was she just meant to be the notch in his belt.

Kagome’s body shook violently as quiet sobbing wracked her body. She had never been so hurt by anyone as he had hurt her. She just could not understand him. She could not fathom his need to crush her beneath his heel nor understand his need to flaunt his mistress in front of her.

“Kagome-sama?” the concerned voice of the stewardess pulled her from the depths of her despair and caused her to look up at the woman. In her hands was a box of tissue that she held out to her. “Are you alright?”

Taking the box from the woman’s hands, Kagome ripped out a few pieces of tissue and began to dry the tears from her face. She had not wanted anyone to know of her anguish, but it could not have been helped. Her heart had been stomped on and the delicate pieces were bruised and broken in her hands.

“Thank you,” Kagome whispered unable to keep the emotional turmoil from lacing her words.

“Is there anything I can do for you? Would you like your tea now?” She inquired.

“I would love that,” Kagome said gratefully.

“Shippo, it’s Inuyasha,” Inuyasha spoke into the receiver of his cellphone and looked over at his wife. He could see that she was against telling Shippo of the situation but Inuyasha knew the boy would want to know. He had seen Kagome as his mother figure ever since he could remember and if the boy had not been told right away by one of them – well, there would be hell to pay. Shippo would be here to cause him more of a headache than he wanted. “I need you to come to Hawaii. It’s about Kagome.”

Kikyo listened to the quiet one-sided conversation anxiously. Well, that was until her mate mentioned Kagome. She could hear the boy’s voice rise with concern and panic.

It was at that moment Inuyasha decided to just place the boy on speaker so that if Kikyo wished to chime into the conversation she could.

“Look, Shippo,” Inuyasha began, “but my asshole brother is having an affair.”

“An affair?” Shippo all but snarled. “Who the hell with?”

“Sango,” Kikyo answered before her mate even had a chance to say a word.

Inuyasha briefly glared at his mate knowing that this was not the right time to really divulge the details, but now that the cat was out of the bag, he could already hear the wheels in the boy’s head turn and knew that there was going to be trouble brewing.

Not for himself, mind you. The boy had caused him grief plenty of times in the past whenever he did something to annoy or cause Kagome grief. Inuyasha could not help but pity his brother – wait, never mind. He did not pity his brother and the wraith he was going to face from one angry kitsune.

There was an eerie silence hanging over them like a dark cloud that both Kikyo and Inuyasha kept their wary gaze upon the phone.

“Where is Kagome?” The boy was calm. Too calm for Kikyo and Inuyasha.

“On her way here,” Kikyo supplied chewing on her bottom lip and wondering if they even did the right thing by calling him.

“Good,” Shippo replied. “I will be there soon. I have something to take care of.”

And then, the phone flashed briefly letting the two know that the conversation was over between them. Inuyasha scratched his head wondering if he did the right thing in telling the kitsune about Kagome’s situation.

“So, what next?” Kikyo inquired uncertainly of their next move.

“Pops,” Inuyasha said as he began dialing his father’s number. It rang twice before the call was answered by a machine. “Hey Pops, it’s me. I – we need to talk.”

Nearly Eight Hours Later –

As the plane touched down and taxied toward a secluded section of Hawaii’s airport, Kagome found herself anxiously looking out the window and searching for her sister and Inuyasha. Normally, she would have taken a moment to enjoy the beauty of the island, but this time she was more concerned that her sister and Inuyasha had kept their promise to retrieve her from the airport. As her eyes skimmed over the inhabitants of the airport, she caught sight of her sister and Inuyasha stepping out of their car and moving toward the plane.

Kagome could not fight the smile that tugged on the corners of her mouth. She found herself bouncing in her seat with excitement and once the plane door was open, she jumped out of her seat and practically ran down the small steps and into her sister’s waiting arms.

“Kagome!” Kikyo breathed wrapping her arms tightly around her sister and hugging her tightly. “I’m so glad you came.”

“Hey we –“Inuyasha was about to greet his sister-in-law when he sniffed her scent again. There was something off about it. Was she ill? No, she did not look it. She looked healthy and radiant but there was something different in her scent that he could not place. “Why does your scent smell different?”

Drawing away from her sister, Kagome looked at her brother-in-law in confusion. Her scent was different? Although she did not know what she smelled like, she could assume that her changed scent was from being in close contact with other people the night before.

Another sniff. This time even closer to her.

“Are you pregnant?”


Kagome froze. How could she –

Then, she remembered that she and Sesshomaru had sex just several weeks ago when he came home. He had told her that she was in heat. After that, he had left her. No doubt returning to Sango’s waiting arms. She had chalked it up to her emotional turmoil to the breakdown of her marriage.

Kagome’s hand went to rest on the lower portion of her stomach. There were so many questions flittering around her head. If she really had conceived Sesshomaru’s heir, how did he not smell it the night prior when they attended the gala? He had always boasted that his nose was the far more superior nose than that of Inuyasha’s. So how could he have missed it?

“I have a physician I can call to come to the house,” Kikyo’s soft voice brought her sister back into reality. “I will make sure that the visit is discreet.”

Kagome’s head gave a nod. “Okay,” she said.

“Come,” Kikyo tugged on her sister’s arm and led her toward the car. She looked over at her mate and smiled. “We will go home and talk.”

The moment Shippo hung up the phone with Inuyasha he picked up the vase and threw it straight across the room. All he wanted right now was to march down to Corporate Head Quarters for Taisho and throttle one daiyoukai. It did not matter to him that said unnamed daiyoukai was much more powerful than he, all that mattered he would get revenge for his adoptive mother being hurt. He should have known that Sesshomaru was no good for Kagome.

Reaching for his phone, he called down to the airport to have one of Taisho’s private planes ready for take-off within the next three hours. Once that was finished, he packed two suitcases and sent them on without him. He had a matter to take care of first and foremost.

It was nearly an hour and a half later that the boy found himself moving through the heavily populated lobby of Taisho Corporations. He did not even bother to greet the lobby secretary as he normally did. Instead, he brushed past everyone as he made his way to the lifts and angrily pressed the button for the floor he knew Sesshomaru occupied.

The moment the lift reached the floor and opened he found himself with a sight to behold – there was the man who considered his adopted father in the arms of another woman kissing her. Shippo saw red and moved with his demonic speed to deck Sesshomaru sending the older demon flying into the nearest wall.

He turned to a startled Sango who knew exactly who he was and was trying to inch away, but Shippo was quicker for her human eyes because he was behind her and with a whisper, he had etched “Whore” into her forehead. It was an illusion and would wear off eventually, but he wanted the entire company to know who the cause of this entire mess was.

“Stay away from Kagome,” he snarled at Sesshomaru who laid in the heap of the broken wall.

The commotion had unseeingly drawn the attention of Toga, who seemed to materialize out of nowhere and take note of the situation before leveling dangerous amber eyes at his eldest son.

“All of you stay away from her,” Shippo hissed turning on the heels of his shoes and storming once more away. He did not wait for the elder Taisho to say anything and if Toga did not know of it, he certainly knew of it now. He would let the Inu no Taisho handle it. He was done. All he wanted now was to reach Hawaii and see his adopted mother, take care of her, and ensure that all of this would be in the past. He would even take her away from there if meant to keep her out of Sesshomaru’s reach. He would make sure Sesshomaru would never find nor hurt her again. He wanted to make sure Kagome had a chance to heal, to reflect, and decide her next moments in her life without interference. Hell, he would help her draw up a divorce degree to remove the bastard from her life if she wished.

But he knew his mother more than anything – she would always love Sesshomaru. It did not matter that he had hurt her in the way he did. Kagome’s heart would forgive him. It always did, but that did not mean he was going to allow Sesshomaru a chance to hurt her again.

No, not a snowball’s chance in hell. She had to heal first and if she wanted to, he would allow her to decide whether the dog demon would be worth a second chance.

But if Sesshomaru had moved on, then it made it a clear field for Kagome to do the same.

Shippo pushed his thoughts away as he exited Taisho Corp. He had a plane to catch and a mother to see.

End of One-Shot


INUYASHA © Rumiko Takahashi/Shogakukan • Yomiuri TV • Sunrise 2000
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