hmmm okay I'm going to be honest b/c i value those reviews most.
This fic has a LOT of potencial...but these are things i could see updated and corrected, and it'd be better:
-i'm not sure though about chapter 1, tenses like this: "Kagome is one of the Board of Directors in the Nippon Company," put this in different POV's through all of chapter 1, going from a comment like structure to a past tense structure. I'm not the best grammar kid, but that is kinda wacky.
-Kagome's a rather well off person, if this is the case she'd probably be more well versed in taking care of herself money wise, etc. She'd need more of a background of possibly being spoiled and not paying attention to those before her to rely on someone that basically kindly rapes her. o.o
-She's also a miko, sheouldnt she have tried to shock someone that gave her what we can only assume is a daterape drug? specially if they called her miko and made it seem like they were youkai.
-Her relationship with inuyasha, while it's obvious from what we were told that they broke up, this is more confusing. females when they've had their heart broken are generally angry, or sad, most arent able to deal with said X in close confinds for a while.
I think this needs a bit of fleshing out as well, it moves very fast, and has room to become great but it does need a bit of work to get there. I'm sorry there are no other reviews right now but this is interesting. Perhaps, it's the summary that's not catching anyone.
hope this has been helpful. - r0o
Julie (Chapter 4) - Sun 08 May 2011
Not going to lie I thought they were going to do it again... but they didnt. hahhahaha. ANYWAYS.
I really like your plot so far the chapters are a little shorter than im used to but hey. Who cares? This story seems as though it has
alot of potential one thing i think you should consider for the future is sesshomaru acting like an ass and sleeping with someone else
keeps the story spicy instead of the same exact tone the whole story.
SO. I love your story so far keep it going!
Cannot wait untill your next update!
| |