P.S. I myself made a couple mistakes with my grammar while writing your review. Sorry about that.
Okay, before you read this, understand that I am NOT bashing your story. In fact, I think the bones of your story are good, and this could be a great story with a little effort. My main criticism is that there are several grammar and spelling mistakes. It makes read the chapter a bit frustrating and may turn off some readers. The last thing, is that the chapter seems a bit choppy - meaning it isn't flowing. Below, I have given an example for you to compare:
This was it, the final battle. Today, Naraku would be defeated and the world would have a chance at peace once more. Kagome smiled. Her body already feeling lighter as her eyes beheld the sight before her. They were finally winning, and she was sure that today, would finally mark the end of Naraku. She stood back a safe distance away from the battle, nursing a wounded Miroku and Sango. She was astonished seeing the brothers fighting together, without arguing. None, even her, could have ever guessed it was even possible. But here they were. Working in union, with a skilled precision that she wasn't even aware they could have.
"They're winning!" Kagome said excitedly.
For people to get a clear picture of the scene and the feelings you want to convey, you have to be a bit descriptive without being overly so. If you have difficulty spelling words, I would suggestion using dictionary(dot)com. You really do have a good idea with this story, so please don't stop trying. Practice makes perfect. Hope this helped.
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