The story was fine, I could have done without the peppered Japanese through out the story though. It would have been much more cohesive if you had just used English. Then again, that's my personal preferece. Beyond that, great story. I think it would of made an epic tale should you ever write the full story... start to finish.
Diane (Chapter 1) - Wed 09 Jun 2010
Just got through the 1st section & I like it so far. 1 slight correction, for some reason when you use spell-checker it won't correct definitely, unless you get the spelling really close to being correct, instead it changes it to defiantly which is what it seems to have done here in the part where you mentioned the twins being daddy's girls.
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