Very Enjoyable. You write humor well, and I ejoyed how an OOC Sesshomaru can kinda be IN Character too... I hope that makes sense. lol My only bits of advice are to watch punctuation (there were some exclamations which should have been question marks, and too many comas in some place, or not enough in others, but thats pretty common of most writers, including myself) and to using inner monologue with descretion as it gets overwhelming sometimes and can be a turn off to some readers. Just some helpful suggestions, that I hope will make your writing experience more fruitful! Keep it up!
Teana (Chapter 1) - Sun 08 Aug 2010
I liked it. Very well writen. It had an odd flow that was unique. I found it to be a refreashing story, one that I had never read before. Which considering is impressive. I look forward to reading more from you.
~Teana
If meeting with two Sesshomarus and having one kiss me is just a pollen-induced dream, then please...never let me wake up. Wow....wonderful job on this, though I would not have minded the younger Sesshomaru bristling at the fact that the older one kissed a human, but this also works. I can't help but think just how much smoother the older Sesshomaru is and that perhaps, there is hope for the younger one, after all.
Sesshoumaru of the future telling Sesshoumaru of the past to get together with Kagome? Interesting idea, and I don't think I have seen them directly interact before. One question, though; how did Sesshoumaru of the past end up in the present?
It was well written, but I kinda felt that the dream scene made very little sense. However, when do dreams ever make sense? A good read, and I enjoyed it!
Hairann (Chapter 1) - Fri 06 Aug 2010
Amazing job and I love the form the details take in this story. Especially toward the beginning of the story. I have to say I am not a fan of her talking to herself, at first it was fine but once you gave her sub-concsious a mind of it's own, so to speak, it was a bit of a turn off for me. None the less, this was an amazing story, thank you for sharing it.
| | | | |