I like the story and glad I found it. I personally don't like the first person, experience it jumps POVs and it's inconsistent. The scenes also jump around and it's hard to tell what is happening. So the flow is off. Same goes for the translation of words.
My biggest pet peeve would have to be Kagome. I find her annoying and all over the place. She talks about being a good leader and giving everyone a chance, but she is quick to throw insults and make fun of Kikyo with everyone else.
How is Kikyo going to see her differently if she's being made fun of by the leader. Not that I agree or even like Kikyo, but you win people over with honey. Kagome also makes dumb decisions at times. I understand this is the first book out of three so I plan on reading the rest.
Thanks for the story!
So much left unresolved
loved this chapter :)
Love! Just lots and lots of love for this story!
Oh my freakin God this is possibly the best line i have EVER seen against Kikyo!!!!! "Everything starts out with a rough draft." Love it!
Looks pretty darn good so far :) I do have two suggestions though: It was a bit difficult to tell when one scene stopped and the other started, so you might want to add either a line or some sort of special page-break symbol so it's less confusing. Second, instead of defining each word individually when it comes up, I think it would be better to put a key at the beginning or end. Now, chapter 2, here I come!
Love the story! Thank you for sharing your work.
This is really interesting! My only complaint is that you keep putting translations after almost every japanese word, even if you did with the same word before. It's really annoying and disrupts the flow of the mood. But otherwise, great use of the characters, of making them seem realistic yet also making them your own.
are you dead? will all teh fics never be updated anymore? please tell us T_T
I like the idea, really do. You have some talent, but in first person you the "I" far to often. There are many ways to go about phrasing, neglecting them has lowered the work slightly. I still like it but I can't get around it, if you do ever revise it or edit it I would gladly take a shot at reading it agian. I will have it bookmarked however, I may give it a shot again in the future.
that was great i am going to read the next one
really cool story i absolutely love it but what's a are flames never heard about it before
Great fic! I thought it was very unique and creative!
Bravo!!! Now here's the thing, i've known about ur story for so long that i'm ashamed to admit i've put it off until recently. The reson? Well i just can't stand the POV. Nothing against your writting style, it's just a personal issue for me. That being the case i regret ever putting this story on hold!! It was hard to get past the first two chapters but after a while i didn't feel bothered at all by the POV. I loved this story, there is nothing at to not like really. Asides from a few spelling errors everything was quite perfect. :) So, i am now off to read the sequels!! Ciao!!! :D
i was almost in tears...good job...i am onto the next chapter...this is gonna be a long night
I just had to read this one over again. I just love it! I am so very glad you have continuede to write fics. You are very good at it. If you ever need someone to help with the grammatic of and/or editing, let me know. My email can be found in the profile area. If not see below:
43bags@sbcglobalnet
I loved it! It was nice that Kikyo was finally understanding her actual place in the pack and accepting it. I can't wait to read the second part of the Alpha stories!
There is another thing I don't like when reading this story. You don't mark when you go to another 'scene' or make a significant amount of space to indicate you are going to someone else's point of view or what have you. It is very confusing and very annoying. Other than that though, I like the story so far. Just waiting for the actual Alpha stuff to happen.
I liked the prologue, but what I didn't care for was that it was in first person. Other than that, everything was interesting to read and it was only the first chapter! ^_^ Though I am bummed about most of her family being murdered...
this is a great story keep up the great work ^_^
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