This is as great story! very hot, will definitely read again :3

wow this was one smexy one shot! Love it! It was filled with so much emotions and I love the pace. You are a really good writer!

Oh.

My.

God.

this is simply amazing. I REALLY need a cold shower now.

a GIGANTIC thanks for this great story!!!!!!

this  is a  really good  story  its  really too good to be a one shot  there are  some  minor  errors  but hey I have thoses  too

more then  the nore cause my gramer sucks and I can not  keep a beta for  the life of me.  :Girns evily: I am a bit of a slave driver  :laughs evily:  please add another chapter  or  do sequal soon

AHAHAH THAT  WAS   GOOOD  YOU  SHOULD  SO  DO A SEQUAL

i like this story and i hope that you will write a continuation to it, but i wonder is english your first language? there were several times you used words that didn't quite make sense, they were easy to figure out, but it happened through the whole story. I'm not criticizing you or anything, anyone who can write a 36 page chapter and have it turn out this good should be comended, but i would suggest getting a second beta to read over your work, it never hurts to have a second set of eyes look over it. And with that i take my leave with the ardent wish that you will contine on with this lovely story...later!!

Continuación, continuación !!!!! Increíble trabajo :)

Woah that was wonderful. I mean just wawow~~ The intensity between them was really capture. You did have a few errors but nothing to take away from the overall affect. I really enjoyed reading this story.

First things first, I liked your story.  It has a lot of potential if you ever decide to add to it.  I hope that you do.  It was interesting and exciting, and I would like to see more.   BUT, you seem to have some grammar issues.  Your sentence structure needs some work.  And there are way too many instances where you used words that may seem similar to what you intended, but were not the correct choice.

Example: "He then inspired deeply, his nose immediately detecting the change: a slight musk scent complementing perfectly her already beautiful scent."

You used the word 'inspired' when it is obvious that you meant 'inhaled'.  It happens rather often in this story.  These are things that should have been caught by a beta.

I don't want you to take this review as me being mean or flaming you, because frankly, I do not do that type of thing.  If the story is crap, I don't review.  I took the time to review because your story is solid and you have potential.  I am offering some consturctive critcism.