Papa Got Facebook
By Danyealle
This short dance into silliness was inspired by the video Grandma Got A Facebook by My Favorite Martian on YouTube (something I neither own nor profit from)
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Pb19JwNhfGo
Disclaimer: I don't own Inuyasha or Facebook nor do I profit from this work in the realm of stupidity
Not to be taken seriously in any way, shape or form
xXx
Sitting in their elegant living room, Sesshomaru loosened his tie and took a long drink of the wonderful cocktail that Kagome had made for him. With a deep, contented sigh, he relaxed back on the comfortable sofa, crossing his legs. He had just come back from a rather stressful business trip and was grateful to be home. Now, all he could think about was destressing over the weekend before going back to work on Monday.
Giving that smirk that was always his version of a smile when he saw his little mate come in, he took another drink then patted the sofa beside him. He had missed Kagome, he would admit that, and wanted to spend time with her. Hopefully, unlike most weekends he planned to do nothing, just wanting to spend it with her, nothing would interfere with that.
However, when she seated herself by him on the sofa, he had a feeling that his hope of normal anything with her was about to fly out the window once more. Face hardening when he looked down at the simple manila folder she was holding, he downed the rest of his drink then sat the glass aside, leaning back, crossing his arms over his chest, stiffening up. Giving her a glare, he snapped, “Now what? Which idiot member of my family did what now?” With how thing normally went, he was certain that he was going to have to spend the weekend doing something to undo whatever moronic stunt Inuyasha had pulled this time.
Swallowing thickly, Kagome held the folder to her chest, looking down at the floor then muttered, softly, “I'm sorry, Sesshomaru. Really, I want us to have a normal, quiet weekend alone because I missed you but this... it's gotten out of hand and I don't know what to do!”
Pinching the bridge of his nose, the daiyoukai made a motion with his hand for her to continue.
“Look, honestly, it was mistake to let him get a Facebook account. I should have never helped him set it up,” she mumbled, looking down at the folder she sat in her lap, opening it and wincing at what she saw on the page on top. Shutting it, she gave him a pleading look but said nothing.
Sighing, wishing he had another drink before facing this he asked, snide tone weaving in and out, “What has the idiotic hanyou pulled this time? Tell me he hadn't posted up the video of himself doing the striptease last time he was drunk!” Thinking about that occasion, the daiyoukai gave a shudder, wishing there was something that would forever erase the memory of that night.
Shaking her head, Kagome all but whispered, “It's not Inuyasha this time.”
Head jerking in her direction, his eyes narrowed so far that they were almost shut and a sense of foreboding danced down his spine. Though he was afraid of what the answer was, he asked, trying to keep his tone level, “Who is it then?”
“Your father,” she stammered out, unable to look at him, stiffening up.
Standing up, Sesshomaru went into the kitchen and retrieved a bottle of demon sake then, quickly, opened it and downed a large swig before walking back into the living room. Seating himself, he took another long pull off the bottle then asked, not wanting to look at her, “What has the old dog done?”
“We were trying to do him a good turn, really...” Kagome started but was quickly interrupted.
“Who is we?” Sesshomaru asked though he didn't really want details. However, since he was sure he was going to have to intervene somehow and get the old menace to back off something, he needed them.
“Me, Sango and Kikyo. Since he's retired and isn't one for going out to do things with others, just rattling around in that old mansion by himself or playing games on the computer, we thought this would give him something to do. I went over and set him up an account then we all 'friended' him on it. That way he can talk to us whenever we're on. He also 'friended' Rin, Soutan, Shiori and some others we know. I mean, it was something great for a time. From all we could see, he was having fun talking to us and joking around. But things got...weird after a while.” Stopping, she leafed through some of the status messages, pictures and P.M.' s she had from Togaou, shuddering at what she saw.
Snorting, the daiyoukai shook his head. “When it comes to father, no good deed happens without nuclear-grade fallout. You should know that by now. What did he do?”
Stiffening, Kagome almost whimpered then said, “Well, you know Papa and the ladies...”
Getting a horrifying image, he looked at his mate, wide-eyed. “He did not!”
Sour look on her face, Kagome just nodded then sighed, “He did. Something, somewhere must have happened because, out of the blue, he started posting pictures up of himself in like his underwear and hitting on some of the others via P.M.'s or leaving status messages rating his daughters-in-laws by level of 'hotness'. Then it was things like which of our friends he would like to...” stopping, she blushed up to the roots of her hair then looked at the floor.
Downing more of the sake, he held out his hand for the folder she was clutching, making a grabby motion that signaled he wanted to see it. No, he DID NOT want to see what it contained! He was certain that it was going to give him nightmares for the rest of his life but he had to know. With a great deal of trepidation, he took it from her then opened the thing before, immediately, slamming it shut, shuddering violently, giving a loud canine-like whine. The top pictured was one of his sire naked, sprawled out on his bed on his belly. Though you couldn't see anything but his ass, that was more than enough.
“That's his new profile picture,” Kagome told him softly, wrinkling her nose.
Rubbing his eyes, saying nothing to his mate, he flipped it back open then turned the picture over so he didn't have to look at it before he delved into what was there. Quickly, he discerned that the old dog's habit of hitting on women had been taken to cyberspace and unleashed fully. In fact, it was worse than the things he did in reality since, at least then, he kept himself on some kind of leash. It appeared that the leash didn't even exist when it came to the internet because he was giving stats like the size of his organ and other things out there for the world to see. He was also describing such things as his technique for oral sex as a way to entice the ladies. Though Kagome and Kikyo, as his daughters-in-laws, were immune from being hit on, he had no problems talking about how hot they were or how good they looked in a bathing suit. However, he had no issue hitting on the rest of their friends, something, from the look of it, he did on a daily basis. Even through the site P.M.'s he could tell the slayer and some of the others were uncomfortable with it, trying to get him to stop.
After finishing looking through the mess, he tossed the folder on the coffee table and leaned back, rubbing the bridge of his nose. “Did you try changing the password and that? Since you helped him set it up, I'm sure you know it.”
“I did. I changed everything including the e-mail. I even set up the profile for deletion but he managed to get that undone. Short of hacking into his system, something I wouldn't even know where to start with, there's nothing more I can do.” Stopping, she gave him a pleading look. “I'm sorry! I thought it was something that would make him feel less lonely! But it needs to stop, Sesshomaru!”
Waving his hand in a dismissive manner, he told her bluntly, “It wasn't your fault. Normal people would have adored having something like this done. But, with father's perverted nature, he took it too far. I'll handle it.” Though he didn't want to and wasn't sure how to go about it, he would do so. There was no way he wanted what he had just seen to get out to contacts of his and his sire's in the business world. Since the account was set up in Togaou's real name, it was bound to happen.
After giving his obviously distraught mate a hug, he downed the rest of his sake then summoned his driver to take him to see his father.
xXx
Sitting in his den in nothing but a pair of tight shorts, Togaou had the music cranked up and was bopping to it as he was trying to make a new video of himself with his webcam to post on his Facebook page. Grinning from ear to ear, he hummed along with the modern music as he kept retaking the video he was doing to get the best shot of his nearly naked body but wasn't happy with how any of them came out. Stopping things, he huffed then muttered about getting a better webcam when he heard a noise from the doorway.
Looking up, he saw his eldest son standing there. From the look on his face, he could tell this wasn't going to be a fun visit. Rolling his eyes at his uptight pup, he cut the music and shut down the cam then leaned back and grinned at Sesshomaru. “Well, son, what brings you here?”
Sesshomaru, honestly, didn't know how to handle this. Togaou was as stubborn as he was so just demanding him to stop wasn't the way to go about it. However, on his way over, he decided to go for bluffing like hell and hope it worked. If it didn't, he was going to try something else, though he didn't know what. Stepping into the room, shooting his mostly naked sire a withering look, he sat down in one of the chairs in front of the desk. Figuring it was for the best to get it done and over with, not to dance around the issue, he snarled, “Father, you need to stop hitting on people online! I saw some of the pictures and messages you sent. That is wrong and if one of our business contacts gets wind of it, we're going to be hurting! There is no way that it won't reflect badly on us!”
Snorting, Togaou rolled his eyes, “Pfftt, don't worry about it, Sesshomaru. What I do on my own time has nothing to do with our business!”
“You called Kagome a babe that you should have married, father! Not only that, you made guesses as to what she's like in bed! That will look bad!” Sesshomaru growled, shooting his pervert father an icy glare.
“It's my personal business, Sesshomaru! You won't interfere,” Togaou told him bluntly then ignored his pup, surfing Facebook for new updates and such. He hoped that would be the end of it but was sure, with the way Sesshomaru was, it wouldn't be.
Baring his fangs at the old dog, Sesshomaru decided to go for it. Shifting around, he said, trying to sound casual, “I contacted mother on the way here and told her you might be interested in patching things up with her.”
Head jerking up, Togaou had a wild, panicked look in his eyes. He and InuKimi did NOT get along at all and there was no way he wanted that damned female back in his life. She had, until he got rid of her, made his life a living hell. There was no way Sesshomaru couldn't know that! “You did WHAT?” He bellowed. Even the tiniest hint from anyone that he might be willing to consider them getting back together would result in her driving him nuts! Oh no, his son wouldn't do that to him!
Looking smug, Sesshomaru just shrugged. “I'll tell you what, father... we can make a deal with this. I'll get mother off the track if you do something for me.”
Narrowing his eyes at his pup, Togaou was certain that he had been 'had' but wasn't willing to risk it. “What kind of deal, Sesshomaru?” He gritted out, sure he wasn't going to like it.
xXx
Curled up in bed with Kagome later that night, Sesshomaru was smug at her approval over what he had done. Nodding at one of her questions, he said, “Yes, I'm sure he deleted the account. That was part of the deal. I watched him do it. He didn't like it but would rather do that than have me tell mother they had a chance.”
Giggling, Kagome snuggled up to her mate, running her fingers through his long, silver hair. “You are so evil! Evil but effective! Good job, Sesshomaru.”
Nodding, Sesshomaru was unable to wipe the triumphant look off his face. However, he looked down at his little mate then said, claws combing through her hair, “I understand that you and the others are trying to help father but, from now on, before you do something that even has the remotest possibility to feed his perverted nature, check with me. And, whatever you do, NEVER set him up with something like a social networking site again!”
Looking up at her mate, smiling, Kagome nodded, “Oh, trust me! I've learned my lesson! No more anything like that with your father!”
Kissing her on the top of the head, Sesshomaru nodded. Maybe the weekend wasn't ruined after all.