YES, DOKUGA; I'M STILL ALIVE. I WANTED TO POST THIS FOR EVREYONE FOR CHRISTMAS, BUT WAS UNABLE TO. HAPPY BELATED CHRISTMAS ONE AND ALL. THIS IS NOT MY USUAL SORT OF WOK, BUT IT WAS WHAT I FELT AND I WANTED TO GIVE EVERYONE A PRESENT....ENJOY.
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Kagome and her friends sat in their usual space, five tables to the left of the door; her mind unfocused on the topic being discussed between the still giggly group of young women. Every girl there seemed so anxious and eager for the swiftly approaching holiday to arrive; everyone except for Kagome that was. Christmas was nearly upon them and, apparently the girls could not wait; she on the other hand, had been dreading it as one would the arrival of an unpleasant relative, or ill mannered house guest. In the past, she had always exuded the same amount of joy and excitement as her small band of companions; however things, as they say, can and always do change. Just when had Kagome made such a shocking turnabout, one might wonder; well...it had happened the year her life seemed to come to an abrupt stand still. Three and a half years ago...by today's standards, anyway.
Once, a very long time ago, she had been part of a second band of friends; ones that the current friends had no idea even existed, save for the one that they had met on a few occasions and had deemed Kagome's 'boyfriend'. They had not had the pleasure of meeting the other members of what Kagome had come to know as her 'extended family', for said family members had not possessed the ability to come there to meet anyone. How she missed those guys. Thoughts of them had plagued her for the last three and a half years, ever since the day the world had seen the last of the evil half-demon Naraku and the widely coveted Jewel of the Four Souls. By today's standards, Naraku and the Jewel were nothing more than a myth; demons and half-demons were nothing but lore, according to the history books, but Kagome knew otherwise - and she had both the physical and emotional scars to prove that they had existed.
She had made the wish that she was supposed to, the only one that there really was to make, and she had paid the price for it many times over. In returning things to how they had been meant to be though, the young girl had managed to cause her own sadness and discontentment; she had not regretted doing it, not then anyway. Now though; now she found herself wishing that she could have found another way to restore balance and peace without giving up those she cared about. In fighting the good fight, just as she had been supposed to do, Kagome caused herself to become more miserable than one person should be allowed to be. Still though, it had to be done and she did it without reservation...she only wished that she had known things would turn out like they did so that she could have prepared herself for it is all. So many things had been left undone, left unsaid, and that was what made it so hard for her to just let go. It was that reason, and many more that she was unwilling to admit, she found herself more and more depressed as time itself trudged on, dragging her behind it.
The gateway, her link to those she had cared so much for, had closed and disappeared from existence, sealed to her forever; it was an occurrence that she had not really believed would happened; despite how others had told her it was a distinct possibility. Never did Kagome really believe that she would ever be unable to travel there again, certain that her work there, five hundred years in the past, had yet to be truly completed; how naive she had been back then...naive to the point of stupidity.
As time went on, Kagome wondered just what they had done, if anything, to attempt to get her back. Did they even try to re-establish a connection to her, or had they simply accepted her absence and went on with their lives? Her mind told her that it was unlikely, but her heart cried otherwise. Logic dictated that every last one of them had gone on to find their extended purpose in life, beyond ridding the world of Naraku, and that hurt her more than she was willing to admit. A part of her had wished that they would be despondent that she was gone, never to return; that was, however, excessively selfish of her and she would be a fool if she tried to deny that. She couldn't help it though, and for that she felt even worse about how things had ended.
"Kagome, you sure are quiet over there. Don't tell me that you're thinking of him again; you always get so depressed around this time of year anymore, ever since the two of you called it quits." Eri replied, popping a french fry into her mouth. "You need to forget about him and concentrate on what will happen after we graduate. You wasted so much time on him that you were always getting sick and missing school; it got so bad that we never thought you would finish high school and graduate."
Yuka slurped her soda noisily, and then set the empty cup down upon the table with a frown upon her face. It had only just occurred to the young woman that her good friend had never mentioned any plans for the future; which did seem quite weird to her. Most women their age made plans for what they would do once they graduated and received their high school certificate...but not the girl sitting across from her. "Yeah, Eri's right Kagome; you need to concentrate on what you're going to do after graduation."
Kagome eyed her sandwich, her heart feeling as though it would shatter. "I don't know what I'll do really; I thought about going to the University, but..."
Leaning forward, Yuka continued to press her forlorn schoolmate for more information than Kagome was able to give her. Kagome had managed to make a complete recovery from her seemingly endless bouts with one medical affliction after another, enabling her to salvage her chances to graduate with the rest of them; they had been so proud of Kagome's turnabout and always told her that too. It really had been remarkable; in the last three years, Kagome made up for all she had missed, studying with tutors and engaging in late night cram sessions...Kagome had even attended summer school as well. If there was no desire in the girl to go as far as she could go, then...why did she work so hard? "But what? You have to further your education, otherwise you will not get a decent job; no one will hire a girl who only has a high school certificate, you know. No matter what he told you, you need to go to college."
Kagome rested her cheek upon her hand with a sigh; she was so sick and tired of discussing the same subjects over and over with these girls. Didn't they ever think about anything else? In her past, as she had roamed the wild and untamed countryside of feudal Japan, Kagome had wished she could spend more time with the three of them; now though, she found herself wishing that she could somehow get away from them sometimes...okay, a lot to be honest about it. "Yuri, I told you that we stopped being a couple; he did not try to convince me that I did not need a proper education, and he is not the reason for my hesitation."
"Yeah, that's right; don't you remember that Kagome told us she had started seeing another guy, but they had to stop seeing each other?" Good old Eri; she just had to point that out, and start a whole new uncomfortable conversation that instantly felt like she was being interrogated. The poor girl had no idea just how much distress she was causing her friend with that one simple question.
"Oh yeah; he was older than you wasn't he?"
"You could say that." she muttered, picking up her drink and sipping slowly to try and avoid telling them too much. It was something she always did whenever she felt so down; she always rambled on and on, revealing way too much information. In this case, she simply could not tell them much of anything at all; what was she to tell them really? 'Oh, the guy was a full blooded dog demon from the feudal era, whose family ruled the lands of the west, and tried to off me a few times?' Yeah, right.
Eri rested her cheek against her hand, staring hard at the squirming young woman next to her; she appeared to be very ill-at ease talking about this guy, just as she had always been about the one before him. Curiosity ruled the air as Eri questioned Kagome further, desiring more substantial details in regard to the mystery man from Kagome's past. "You never told us his name though. Was that because you were afraid we would know him or something?"
"No, I wasn't afraid you would know him, he wasn't from around here...can we talk about something else?” Kagome groaned, leaning her head upon her hand with the most melancholy of looks upon her young, weary face. Time after time these girls always found it necessary to make every attempt to pry information out of her that Kagome could not provide and still be deemed sane. No one in their right minds would ever believe the stories that swirled inside her brain, taking up valuable learning space; which made it difficult for her to concentrate on her studies at times.
Visions of the past plagued her constantly, reminding her of what lay behind her, interfering with what lay ahead of her...in her future. Her schoolmates only made things worse for her with their incessant nagging for a committed decision; it was so very stressful to the young woman. By the time her outing with her modern day friends had ended, Kagome fell like total hell, complete with the excruciating ,migraine that always went with it, and all she wanted to do was go home, crawl into bed with a couple of pain killers, and hide.
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Cool amber eyes scanned the area before entering the clearing, wanting to be certain that he was alone. There always seemed to be some being or another there anymore, especially around this time of year, and he had no desire to associate with any of them. The moment he entered, his keen eyes spied the very spot where it had once been; his fingers tightened their hold upon the object held ever so securely in his grasp. He did not feel the prickling of the needles as they poked into his flesh, but he did feel the ever rising prickling of pain and sadness that pierced his heart. Three long years had come and gone since she had disappeared, during which time he had done nothing but think about the tiny ningen onna who had played a key role in the battle to rid the world of the vile Naraku with her power and her selflessness. Her act of generosity and kindness had instilled peace across the lands, but the price paid for such had indeed been a dear one. No longer could anyone look upon her, never again to feel her energy and aura anywhere; it was more than disconcerting to many a being who had known her, even more so for him it would seem.
Before the end had come, they had only just started a sort of acquaintanceship between them; his reluctance to succumb to her charms had been the largest contributing factor to the slow crawl of progression in what seemed to be forming between the miko and him. Her humanity had been the cause of such, for he had been hesitant to become like his long-departed sire and give in to the wiles of a human female; he was certain that it had been father's affinity for the species that had brought about his fall and untimely death, and, therefore, Sesshoumaru was determined that the same horrible fate would not befall him. Yet, despite his every effort, the young demon Lord of the West had found himself drawn to the very same type of being that father had been, for whatever reason. No, not the very same; she had been different; Kagome had been a miko while Izayoi had not. That, of course, had been a mere technicality; one that had proven to be insignificant when the girl had vanished from existence. Ever would he recall the second she disappeared, followed soon after by the well that had been her very link between his time and, that of her own.
All had known it was a distinct possibility that it would happen, even the girl herself; although, she had given him the impression that she did not honestly believe it would happen, whatever her reasons were. It did happen though, for all that remained was nothing but a vast empty space where the bone eater's well once stood, and Kagome was gone. They had not even been given the opportunity for a proper farewell; she had simply vanished, never to be seen or heard from again. Since that day, the demon lord had continued to hope that it would not be permanent; that she would some day return to his time in order to continue what they had started between them, but to no avail. Day after day went by, week after week, until months and then, finally, years passed; it appeared as though she would never return, and Sesshoumaru felt his heart ache with each setting of the sun.
The moon shone down upon the vast spanse of frosty white, its beams causing the ground to sparkle and twinkle as tiny jewels littering the earth; it had been her favorite time of year, save for spring of course. The girl had told him once that the thick blanket of white was nature's way of cleansing the world, refreshing it and making it beautiful once more. He had always thought her to be of a rather childish mind at times, for only a child would see things the way that Kagome sometimes did; he missed that about the female, he truly did. Just as he had done for the past three odd years, on this very eve since her disappearance, the demon stepped closer to the spot where the well that had taken the girl away from him had once stood. Kneeling down, Sesshoumaru laid the exquisitely woven wreath of evergreen upon the ground; it had been his own hand that had woven the thing, his memory being the template for the finished product. She had brought a few of them back with her during her time there, and although he had seen but only one, Sesshoumaru remembered exactly how it had been crafted. The wide band of scarlet velvet contrasted greatly with the white of the snow, and he found that to be very pleasing to both his heart and to his mind. The tiny folded paper ornaments that Rin had painted and then unknowingly contributed were the perfect touch; they made this a most befitting offering to the memory of the ningen onna whom many missed so very much.
"So, another year has come and passed, huh Sesshoumaru?" the familiar male voice cut through the air as a knife, disturbing the stillness of such a serene evening. The kneeling male did not even turn his eyes in the direction of said voice, for he was aware of just who stood several paces behind him and just to his right. One set of golden orbs narrowed while one remained glued to the circle of green.
"Indeed."
The hanyou drew closer to his half-brother, making sure to move slowly so as not to startle the quick-to-anger demon Lord. Sesshoumaru had become markedly aggressive since the day Kagome disappeared, even more than he had ever been before; no one really knew just why that was, but Inuyasha had his suspicions. "This was one of her favorite times, you know; she called it Christmas, or something like that. Right about now, her family probably has a huge tree in their living room all decked out with colored lights and things, with presents under it."
Inuyasha smiled at the memory of the times when he would pass through the well to retrieve his good friend in order to bring her back so that the search for Naraku could continue, and he would find himself sitting upon the floor in her home just watching the thing, hypnotized by the softly pulsing tiny lights. They were so very soothing somehow, and, surprisingly, the hanyou would become oddly content to just let Kagome take as long as she wanted in gathering her things, stuffing them into that big bright yellow backpack of hers that he just knew she would convince him to carry for her. That cursed thing always weighed a ton. His hanyou eyes drifted down to his elder, noticing how Sesshoumaru absently touched something at his neck. "You still have it, don't you?"
That hand instantly dropped, realizing what he had been caught doing, "I do." He did not even know that he had been touching the silver chain that hung around his neck, absently fingering the exquisitely crafted symbol of his house that adorned it.
The miko had gifted him with that very pendant the one, and only, 'Christmas' that they had been allowed to spend together. Oh, the tiny female had tried to conceal her reason for giving it to him and he had picked up on it; unfortunately, he had been under the impression that she had bespelled it like she had Inuyasha's beads and was attempting to subjugate him like she had done his foolish younger half-sibling. Once he had been reassured that the thing was not an attempt to subdue him, he had been quite touched that she would think of giving him something so fitting. Ever would he recall the look upon her face when he, the great and terrible Lord of the West, had bowed to her with humble gratitude.
The half-demon sat upon the ground next to his sibling, his claws toying with the cold wet snow beneath them, " I remember the first Christmas we celebrated; she brought back all kinds of things to try and show us a good time. We had been so depressed over being unable to find Naraku, and Kagome only wanted to make us happy for a time; she gave everyone a gift, had treats for us...it was nice. She had Shippou all excited thinking that some generous, jolly fat man in red was going to bring him presents when morning arrived..."
"She did the same to Rin..." Sesshoumaru replied quietly, still not gracing the half-demon with even a single glance. Seeing the hanyou only reminded him of the miko and, as a result, said hanyou was avoided at all costs. In the three years that had passed by, the two half-siblings had only come across one another but a handful of times...by accident mostly.
Nodding, Inuyasha turned his eyes skyward, making note of every last star that twinkled there; he had never really paid much attention to them before Kagome came through the well...before he had been sealed to the tree of ages with Kikyo's sacred arrow. Now though, he never failed to notice them and found such peace whenever he gazed up at them, believing that his new found appreciation for the innumerous, tiny things that he had ignored had come from his very good friend named Kagome. "So...are you going to accept my invitation to come for dinner? We always have a nice meal around this time in memory of her; I think that it would be nice if you showed up this year."
"Have you forgotten, Inuyasha? This Sesshoumaru is not 'nice'." he sounded so cynical just then, but made no apologies for it whatsoever. The truth was the truth; he was not a nice being, in any sense of the word...anymore.
The hanyou scoffed at his statement, unwilling to let the demon have his moment. The very fact that the 'big, tough demon' was sitting there in the snow, having brought a wreath to this spot, on this very night, negated any claims the demon might make on the subject. "That's a load and you know it. You think you have everyone fooled, but I'm not as stupid as you think I am. You have to be nice in some way, Sesshoumaru; otherwise, Kagome would not have even given you the time of day."
The demon turned his eyes to his half-brother, trying to discern just what he had meant by that statement. There was no possible way for Inuyasha to have any knowledge of any personal interaction between the girl and Sesshoumaru himself; they had taken great pains to keep their budding relationship a well hidden secret. Rarely had he and the girl acknowledged one another when in the company of others, but to discuss their strategies for defeating the spider hanyou; both felt that it was best that way, unwilling to endure the possibly harsh judgment of their fellow group members. She had been a key factor in making that decision, for he honestly had not cared what the others thought; they were not the ones who mattered. However, the girl did matter and her desire for secrecy had been a request that he simply could not refuse. Kagome feared Inuyasha's reaction to her affinity for his elder, thinking that the whelp would try to interfere and ruin things before they could truly begin. That had been but one of the special concessions the girl had been granted by the Daiyoukai in regard to their relationship; in fact, he had granted her more privileges than he had any other being in existence...except for Rin.
"Don't think that I don't know you two had something going...or starting at least. I'm not blind." The hanyou shifted his position, wanting a clear view of his elder's face when he outed the arrogant dog. "I knew you two were getting close Sesshoumaru; why else would you start hanging around as much as you did? And then, there was how you would allow her to care for that human girl you took in as your ward; you would not allow anyone close to the that child without threats of great pain and suffering if they did anything to harm her...except for Kagome."
Sesshoumaru stared off into the distance, his tone a hollow echo upon the wind itself, "You are delusional."
"Really? Okay, then... why come here at Christmas and place a wreath upon the spot where the well used to be?" He sounded so smug then, even allowing a grin to cross his face briefly when he said it. Let the arrogant old bastard try to make up an excuse for that one, and not reveal the fact that a heart really did beat inside that cold, seemingly emotionless vessel that Sesshoumaru called a body.
Despite his emotional state of mind, the demon was in no way slow about forming a believable response to Inuyasha's inquiry. No one got the better of him, in anything; no matter the circumstances at the time. "She was a great ally in the fight against the spider, such deserves proper commensurate."
Inuyasha stared silently at the demon, almost as if he were trying to come to some kind of conclusion of some sort. Then the half-demon simply shook his head at Sesshoumaru while rising to his feet, "Whatever. You know; if you were to be honest about it and stop trying to kid yourself, and everyone else...the Kami might just see fit to reward you in some way." After conducting a quick dust off, Inuyasha then turned to go, uttering but one more piece of advice to the stubborn assed Dai that still knelt upon the ground, "Besides, she deserves more than a being who cannot even admit that she meant something to them. Maybe that's why she cannot come back...think about that one, great and noble Lord of the West."
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Lying in her bed, staring off into the darkness, Kagome was once more feeling restless and dissatisfied. Her mother had tried to get her to participate in the family's holiday traditions but she just did not feel up to it. Thoughts of long ago plagued her mercilessly, just as they had for some time since that day. Her mother knew what was bothering her, but she had said nothing to her in the ever increasing dilemma the girl seemed to be facing. Kagome was nearly a grown woman and needed to handle things on her own, despite the elder Higurashi woman's desire to help her child and make things right for her. It would do Kagome no good for her mother to continue to interfere in her maturing into a responsible young adult and, so, her mother simply sat back to wait for Kagome to fix things on her own. Kagome was grateful for that.
For some reason that she did not know, this holiday season had been the hardest for her...even more so than the first Christmas after her return. Turning onto her side, Kagome stared at the window that Inuyasha had used as an entrance on a frequent basis, and found herself half expecting to see him slide the thing open. It was stupid of her, of course, but she could not help it. All day long she had been on edge, snapping at her friends and avoiding her family like the plague; her room had become her sanctuary of sorts, even if the comfort it gave her could not completely rid her of her depressive mood. It helped that no one was able to bear witness to her depressive state up there, for she had grown weary of the looks everyone gave her; she was not on to be pitied, and she refused to allow it. In all fairness, no one could give up all that she had and not be affected by the devastating loss; they would do the exact same things that she was doing...maybe.
The girl wondered just what her friends were doing at that moment, considering the possibility that they had continued on with her five year little tradition of exchanging gifts and preparing for a Christmas dinner the next day. In her mind, she could see them, sitting around a fire with smiles on their faces as they sipped tea and anxiously awaited the passing out of the gifts. She envisioned little Shippou as he did his best to be patient, but was practically bouncing up and down with his ever growing anticipation. Of course, she knew that this was most likely not was really happening, but it was so much more pleasing to her tormented mind than the alternative. She could not bring herself to summon the images of her friends sitting around with sad and forlorn expressions on their faces...not tonight of all nights. No; tonight, she would willingly allow herself the indulgence of remembrance; she would submerge herself in her memory to her heart's content, for it was Christmas after all. A soft sigh escaped her as she summoned up the images that brought her both sadness and joy at the same time, letting her emotions wash over her in order to make it more believable; all she wanted was to find a reprieve from the emptiness she always seemed to feel inside her. Kagome was not as deluded as to believe this would solve her problems, but she was certain that it would ease her suffering for a short time; that was good enough for her, because she badly needed a break.
The girl allowed her mind to drift away in the misty haze that rolled in as a thick, dense fog that had her momentarily disoriented, unable to find her bearings for a time. Thankfully, the fog dissipated just enough for her to right her senses; which continued her inner journey backward; back to her last holiday with those she had been so close to, and with marked ease, she was able to picture them gathered in Kaede's small hut. How it warmed her very soul to see them there, her past self included, with pleasant smiles upon their faces and cheer in their hearts. She gazed around her, spying the deep green garland that she and Shippou had hung to adorn the bare wooden walls, accompanied with colorful drawings that the two youngest members of their group had made as their contribution to the holiday decor. Rin and Shippou always loved making use of the art supplies that she would bring back with her to occupy them with...
It amazed her just how it become somewhat real to her, this vision from her past; such happiness washed over her then that she felt tears forming in her eyes. It was almost as if she were really there watching as a spectator as she and her friends sat around the fire; her dear Inuyasha at one side of her, his stoic elder brother on the other, and the excited little kit in her lap. Kagome could not help but take several long, lingering stares at the regal being known as Sesshoumaru, for his other worldly visage outright demanded such. It should be deemed illegal for one male to be so damned beautiful...
Her mind then chose to shift to the occurrence prior to that moment, the one when she had been certain that the search for the evil Naraku had rendered her clinically insane. Silently, Kagome watched the event unfold just as if it was happening for the first time and, still, she found herself unable to believe she had not dreamed the entire damned thing. It had happened not long after she had handed everyone their gifts, watching as each being unwrapped said gift with a look of both excitement and gratitude for her generosity. The only one who had managed to sully the good time was the Daiyoukai; he, for whatever his reasons, had been convinced that the pendant she had given him was an attempt to subjugate him, just like she had done to Inuyasha. The aggravating Inu was convinced that she wanted to see him face down upon the ground in a subservient manner, just as he had seen the hanyou in many times before. No matter what she had done to try to convince him that the pendant was not bespelled in any way, he refused to believe that she would give him something like that without an ulterior motive. That kind of upset her, considering that it had seemed as though she and the demon had been in the process of forming a closer relationship than that of mere comrades in the fight to rid the world of Naraku. Only when Miroku asked the Inu if he sensed any of Kagome's miko power within the small gleaming symbol, did said demon admit that he, in fact, did not.
Kagome had silently fumed for a brief bit over the incident, but then she realized something that instantly changed her mind on the matter. It was most likely that the insufferable being known as Sesshoumaru had never received a present from anyone, save for the sweet little girl who traveled with him; however, Rin usually gave the guy things like flowers, definitely nothing like the silver pendant. She had considered the possibility that he could not understand just why she would give something like that....considering that the last time she gave a guy a necklace was when she placed the subjugation beads upon Inuyasha in order to stop him from trying to kill her. Suddenly, she understood his apprehension in accepting such a gift from her. The poor guy.
Once he was satisfied she was not trying to make him submit to her, Sesshoumaru allowed her to put the necklace on him, and then...he bowed to her in thanks. That move had damn near put her and everyone else as well, to the floor. Sesshoumaru was the Lord of the freaking West...he did not bow to anyone or to anything....until he bowed to her.
Then, her vision shifted and the girl then saw herself standing outside the hut, gazing around her at the vast, snow covered plains of Musashi, while a soft serene smile spread across her face. It looked so lovely, so unspoiled and young; it was such a shame that over the course of time, the tiny little village and the surrounding forest would no longer stand, destined to become what was her home. Pavement and buildings would eliminate all that her eyes beheld at that moment, and the girl found herself sad for it; she found that she considered what would have to sacrificed for the sake of man's progression a little appalling,
"Miko," his smooth deep voice split the night and Kagome saw herself shiver from the effects, "It is unwise for you to remain out here in this weather. You will fall ill should you remain."
She shrugged her shoulders, fighting the urge to turn her eyes to the guy that stood beside her. He always affected her so oddly, making her insides quiver and her mind spin out of control; he really did not have to put any effort into it either, all he had to do was breathe it would seem. "I'll be okay, Sesshoumaru; I have endured many cold winters back home, it takes a lot to get me sick."
"Hnn..." he almost growled, displeased that she would dismiss his words so easily. The demon lord was used to others heeding his words, not resisting them. "Is there something that troubles you; something that you find to be unsettling?"
"Not really; I just like looking at the area like this." Kagome sighed heavily, her eyes sparkling brilliantly into the night. Never would she tire of gazing at such splendor; it would always affect her that way, she was certain of it. "In my time, none of this is here..."
"Yes, I do believe that you have mentioned that before." He lifted his head, spreading his aura outward, "The lands are strangely quiet this night."
"It’s because it’s Christmas; the world always seems to become more pleasant and peaceful at this time of year."
The demon then eased closer to her, a very brief, devious smirk flashed across his face; he seemed to be plotting something, although at this particular moment - she had not known it. His eyes drifted to his left and then forward once again; he unclasped his hands from behind his back and allowed his arms to fall to his sides, hanging there idly while his fingers flexed a few times. "Just why is it that you decided to gift this Sesshoumaru with such a finely crafted piece?"
Kagome shrugged her shoulders then, not really knowing just why she had thought of having the symbol of the demon's house documented in such a way. "I thought it would be fitting, I guess. I mean, you wear it upon the lapel and sleeves of your haori; I just thought it would go together."
"It was a truly thoughtful gift, miko..." He looked displeased that she had chosen to interrupt whatever he was going to say to her, but he did not voice said displeasure. Instead, he listened to the girl standing beside him while she practically scolded him as one would a disobedient child. If she did not know better, Kagome would swear that she saw him roll his eyes just then. Again, this was something she had not known back then; how she wished she knew just what that little gesture had meant.
For some reason she inched a bit to her left, away from the demon who had managed to reposition himself in closer proximity to her without her ever realizing it. Never had she had to put such effort into resisting the urge to roll her own eyes as she had then; her frustration with the Daiyoukai and his incessant need to refer to her by names, other than the one she was given when she was born, worsened every single time the guy opened his mouth. Just once she would like to hear 'Kagome' fall from those lips of his. "Kagome, Sesshoumaru; please, call me Kagome. That can be your gift to me this year, referring to me by my god-given name, instead of my status or my gender."
He had to admit that he found her small, but obviously meaningful, request more than a bit disconcerting; others would have asked for something that they believed to be of physical value, but not this onna. It appeared as though she did not care for the manner in which he referred to her, almost as if she believed it to be degrading or offensive in some way that was unknown to him. Sesshoumaru then decided to offer her an explanation; all the while he hoped that she would understand his reasons without him having to say them more than this one time. "Such a simple and humble request; however, referring to one by their status is considered a higher form of respect. It is not an insult."
"So, you respect me; is that what you're saying?"
One nod was all he gave her, and that had been so subtle that Kagome almost missed it entirely. Maybe the guy thought it was too common a gesture for a being such as him; he had always been a bit full of himself after all. "This Sesshoumaru does indeed have immense respect for you; you are one of the few humans that have been granted such an honor."
She chuckled, even though he had confused her with his off-handed compliment; at least, she thought that's what it was. Of course, knowing the demon standing out there with her, it could have been his idea of a scathing insult, with it's meaning hidden somewhere within his words. The girl decided quickly to take it as it sounded, she swiftly responded in kind...just in case. It was not wise to insult this guy; he tended to get mean when he was upset. "Thank you...I think. I respect you too, Sesshoumaru; you have proven yourself to be a very valuable ally in the fight to destroy Naraku. There have been several battles that could have ended tragically for us, if you had not been there to lend us aid."
The demon seemed to move closer to her then, and Kagome felt her insides begin to quiver from his nearness. She did her best to conceal the effects that his presence had on her, but somehow, she just knew she had fallen short in that category. The truth was that Sesshoumaru's continued presence within their little group had begun to affect her quite strangely, and it increased with each day that passed too. At first it had bothered her to be so affected by the elder sibling of the guy she had once housed great feelings of love for, finding it kind of unfitting in one way or another. Then, she almost started to welcome them, those stirrings that had begun to present themselves every time the guy walked by her, or looked at her...or breathed.
Considering the fact that she spent most of her time there in the past, Kagome did not necessarily have the time or opportunity to develop any normal young girl crushes, like her friends back home did. Yeah, there was that one guy, Hojo, who had always seemed to be interested in her; however, he just did not affect her in the ways that she thought he should...not like Inuyasha had done, or how his elder brother seemed to be now. Her friends had believed it was because she was only attracted to 'bad boys', and Kagome supposed that it could be true. The only guys who seemed to get any sort of rise out of her in that department, were those of demon decent...what one could construe as the ultimate 'bad boys'. This guy though; he was the template that bad boys were fashioned from, of that there was no doubt.
"Kagome, you seem flustered; why is that?" he asked her non-chalantly, teasing her it would seem. Apparently the Inu demon lord had a bit of a playful side that no one knew about; none but her that was, for he always made sure to out her on her less than platonic reactions to his presence. It had become a bit of a game to them.
"Stop it, Sesshoumaru," she muttered, lowering her head to hide the crimson evidence of her embarrassment. "You're making me blush."
The insufferable demon did not stop though, for he appeared to be having a bit of fun at her expense; at least, it seemed like he was from that distance anyway. Kagome would bet just about anything that the obvious, two octaves lowering of his had been done on purpose, just to see how it would affect her. Damn him. "Does it bother you that this Sesshoumaru is aware that I affect you in such a way?"
The young woman nodded her head, biting her bottom lip nervously; just why she felt so uneasy with the entire thing was unclear to her, but she surmised that it had much to do with his nearness. Her entire body was plagued with tiny little electrical charges that traveled from the tips of her fingers to the tips of her toes. "A little bit, yeah; you have said many times before that you do not care for humans and...well..."
The smug demon almost smiled then, taking delight in her uneasiness. He was a cruel, cruel demon; taking such enjoyment from something like that. If she had known that, Kagome would have not been so...skittish at that moment. "Do you always repeat yourself? I for one, have already addressed the matter and will not reiterate, except to point out to you that, if such was indeed true in regard to you, I would not be out here with you now."
"I guess that does make sense." She felt him inch closer to her, like he was testing some unseen boundary to see just how far out it reached. "Do you like being around me, or do you just tolerate me for some reason?" She knew that he would be able to understand the meaning behind her words, without her having to come right out and ask him if his so-called-interest was simply because she could sense the shards of the Shikon jewel, and therefore, locate Naraku.
"I do not find your presence to be unpleasant; if that answers your question on the matter." He had come so close to her that her shoulder actually touched his lower chest, although just barely. His customary armor had been removed for the evening in light of the occasion; which made it possible for the demon to feel her tiny petite form making contact with his. He did not seem upset by it.
"Do you really like my gift?" Kagome asked him, her eyes lifting toward the sky and marveled at the numerous stars she saw there, sparkling like fine jewels against a dark, velvet backdrop. It wasn't as if she was fishing for a compliment or anything, the girl only wanted to know the truth on whether she had made a good choice in a gift for the guy. Some males did not like wearing jewelry and she simply wanted to be sure that he was not one of them.
"It is hanging upon my person, just as you placed it earlier, and there it will ever remain. It does, however, place this Sesshoumaru in a bit of a dilemma though, for I am now indebted to you and must find a way to reciprocate..."
Her inky black hair fell forward to shield her face from his view when she lowered her head down, finding the ground beneath her feet extremely interesting at that moment. "Oh, you don't owe me anything; that is not what Christmas is about. A person doesn't give a gift just to get one themselves."
Two long and elegant fingers rested firmly under her chin, insistent that she raise her head upward for some reason; that made Kagome wonder just why he was even touching her at all, for the demon had never done that before. Ignoring the excitement that instantly shot through her from that simple touch, Kagome allowed her head to rise until she could stare into his eyes if she wanted to. Unfortunately though, she was unable to meet his gaze and her own blue orbs stared off to her left instead. Sesshoumaru did not seem to like that, for he growled at her in order to draw her attention away from whatever she had been looking at and back to him instead.
"To the contrary, I do owe you..." he breathed ever so quietly.
Just as in everything the demon did once he made his mind up, Sesshoumaru wasted no time once he had her undivided attention; he leaned in closer, knowing full well that the girl was aware of what he was going to do, and proceeded to place his surprisingly soft lips right upon hers. It seemed as though the guy had expected the quiet gasp of shock that escaped her, but that did not cause the demon to pull away from her; instead, Sesshoumaru pressed his lips to hers harder, stepping even closer to her than he had been before. Kagome found herself pinned to the knotted wood next to her, where a lovely decorated evergreen wreath hung beside her head. Still plagued by disbelief and awe, she did not return his kiss, standing there as a statue while the Inu went even further, snaking his tongue out to lightly tease her paralyzed oral petals. Then, she warmed up to him, her small human hand rising ever so timidly to his hard muscled chest.
Apparently, Sesshoumaru saw this as a form of encouragement, for his body moved even closer to hers until they were standing front to front, giving absolutely no thought in regard to how his scent would all over her, thereby potentially causing problems for the both of them should Inuyasha scent his half-sibling upon her. At that minute, that did not matter; all that did matter to her was that he was making her feel things that she had never felt before in her life, and she did not want them to end. Something had told her that the guy was more experienced than her at this, and she had confirmation of that when Sesshoumaru used his mouth to part her lips in order for his inquisitive tongue to slip seductively between them. Kagome's knees buckled a little then as the most sensuous of sensations ignited in every area of her body. Never would she have dared to imagine that she would be granted such an opportunity; it practically overwhelmed her, he was just that damned good. Smooth languous caresses ensued, not missing even a millimeter of her velvet oral cavern, before that devious appendage retreated just as slowly as it had entered. Practiced lips caressed hers in a devastating ending to the mother of all kisses, treating her senses to a virtual symphony of grand proportions. Damn; could that guy kiss.
Now, Kagome was not completely inexperienced in such matters, for she had kissed a guy before; they had not affected her like this though, either one of them. Hojo, well...he had tried to get her worked up, and that very well could have been the reason she could not respond to his ministrations in the way he had wanted her to. In essence, he had been over eager and that alone had killed it for her. Inuyasha had managed to get her insides to quiver a bit, but it had been nowhere near the reaction her insides exhibited the moment that Sesshoumaru locked lips with her.
Her insides had melted, of this she was certain; it was most likely due to the fire that ignited in her belly and proceeded to spread to ever single damned part of her body, her loins being affected most by said fire. If she did not know better, Kagome would swear that she had honestly experienced an orgasm just from kissing the, too beautiful-to-be-male, Inu Daiyoukai. Her entire body shook with the after effects, threatening to just up and give out on her; which would have her a quivering mass of human flesh at the Daiyoukai's feet. At that moment, the idea did not sound as humiliating as one might think.
Sesshoumaru was obviously pleased with her reaction, and allowed that to show briefly through a smug fanged smirk that flashed upon his face. Oh yeah; the guy was definitely proud of what he had done, for his eyes practically screamed of smug, male pride. Remembering what she had said to him when she handed him his gift, the demon returned the sentiment to her, "Merry Christmas, Kagome."
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As she watched the two of them, Kagome could not help but feel a deep ache inside her. What would have come of them should she have been allowed to remain there, or even return to the past whenever she wanted to? While this had been their first kiss, it had not been their last; they had shared many a romantic and heated display of a growing affinity for each other from that moment on...right up until the day came when she was cast forward into her own time, the one she was born in, never able to travel to the past again. The girl could recall every last one of them too, in intricate detail to be precise; such torment should never be allowed to exist, at all.
A strong and familiar hand touched her shoulder and made her cry out in surprise. Kagome whirled around, locking gaze with the very eyes that she had been longing to see once again, and she came close to falling in a dead faint. How could he be there, in her dream as she lay in her room, upon her bed, in the future? His eyes swept her form, almost as if he too could not understand or believe that they were there together. There was a veritable storm of emotions churning there within the molten gold of his eyes, and it was more than a little disconcerting to the girl who had hoped to see something resembling joy shining back at her. It would literally take her eons to sift through the clouded mess looking back at her, and her head swam with just the thought of even daring to try.
"Sesshoumaru..." she squeaked, instantly chastising herself for sounding like a complete idiot. "it's nice to see you again."
He had no expression upon his face as he looked at her, and then turned those eyes to their surroundings. It was almost like he could not believe they were there, and his apprehension to respond to his surroundings in any way reflected in his amber colored orbs quite clearly. "The sentiment is returned, Kagome; how is it that we stand here together? Is it because this is a memory that we share, one that we both chose to recall at the exact same moment?"
"It could be; I really don't know." She turned quiet then, her eyes darting from one object to another due to her increasing uneasiness about what she should say to the guy. God; how she wished that she could have had some forewarning in order to make herself a bit more presentable, inwardly cringing at the thought of what she must look like.
"It is good to know that you hold this particular moment in such high regard, for it is also one that I find to be pleasant as well." He shocked her with that statement, for she had not expected him to say something so...touching. If she were to put some effort into analyzing the tone he had used, she would discover that he had actually put a smidgeon of feeling into the words themselves. Maybe it was a good thing that she missed it though, for it would have mortified the poor girl should she have fainted as a result of making such a discovery.
"So...you have thought of me in the three years since I disappeared?" she asked the demon timidly. Kagome kind of feared what he would say, but her curiosity had bested her and it was too late to take her question back.
"I have, just as every member of our group has as well; you are sorely missed by many beings." He had looked away from her then, staring at the small structure where they knew their past selves to be at that moment in time. His haunted expression spoke of the memory of what they were witnessing from their distant location; he could still hear the girl's heart literally pounding inside her chest as he thoroughly destroyed any residual memory of any other male's kiss but that of his own. Even now, the demon was impressed with his performance that night.
Kagome's frantic mind searched for a diversion, something that could take their minds off their former selves standing there outside that hut, desperately trying to right their senses before venturing back through the door to their comrades. As she recalled, it had been one of the hardest things she had ever had to do...at that time it was anyway. "H-How is little Rin?"
"She is faring quite well; did you doubt my willingness to continue to be her guardian once Naraku was destroyed?" There was implied indignance intricately weaved into his words, crystal clear that she had somehow offended him. The great demon lord did not take kindly to such, no matter whom it was that had insulted him, intentionally or not.
Kagome smirked then herself, finding the way the Inu defended himself rather fitting; she kind of expected him to do that, and she was glad that he had not disappointed her. Wetting her lips with her tongue, the girl cleared her throat as she responded to his question. "No, I didn't doubt you; I knew that you would decide to always be there for her. Even if you did not want others to know about your kindness and generosity...I knew it was there all along."
Sesshoumaru tensed, picking up on the hint of teasing Kagome had laced her words with and decided to play the game that she had obviously initiated between them. He had missed their sometimes not-so-innocent bantering of words, for they had never failed to provide him with great amusement. "Three years have come and gone, Kagome, and yet you find it appropriate to insult me?"
"Whatever, we both know its true." she chided him, just to try and offset the sadness she felt from being in his presence. It was so confusing to her; being both sad and happy at the same time, like she would short circuit her fragile human brain if she did not find a way to harmonize the two. "So...the others are getting along okay then?"
"They, too, are prospering. The monk and the slayer are expecting their second child; their firstborn was a girl that they named Kagome, in honor of their missing comrade and friend." Her astonished expression struck him as odd; did the girl honestly think that her friends would not find some appropriate way to honor their years long association? Honestly. He inhaled before finishing with the briefing, knowing that the next being he would mention was forefront on the girl's mind, even if she had not mentioned the half-demon directly. "The hanyou protects the village from brigands and other invading parties who seek to create havoc across the lands. He has found himself a suitable female and they are said to be close to setting a date to be both mated, and married. She too is a half-demon, and they will produce offspring of ample power."
"I'm happy for them, especially Inuyasha; he deserves to know happiness and love." For the life of her, Kagome just could not keep the mild resentment out of her voice; she had hoped that Inuyasha had not attached himself to anyone just yet, for that left only her out of their little group to remain alone and loveless. Damn it.
"Have you found such, Kagome?" he inquired tentatively, believing that he had effectively concealed his extreme anxiety for the girl to say that she had not bound herself to anyone else. The demon had always been a little self-deluded at times, and this was one of those times.
Sesshoumaru had caught her off guard with that question, and as a direct result of being caught unprepared, Kagome made the mistake of asking the guy to repeat himself. Stupid, stupid, stupid. "What?"
It would seem that the girl was determined to make the demon break one of his own rules in regard to repeating himself; if it were not so very important to him, he would just let the matter die. As it was, the desire to know that Kagome remained unattached burned white hot inside his mind and in his heart, refusing to extinguish until he had an answer. Repressing a heavy sigh, Sesshoumaru closed his eyes as he, for quite possibly the first time in his life, reiterated for the sometimes slow-witted female. "Have you also found one who offers you this happiness and love you spoke of?'
"N-No; no I haven't, Sesshoumaru. I really haven't had the time to search really; I decided to buckle down and concentrate on my education, to make up for all the school I missed while we searched for Naraku. A love life had no room in that part of my life; I...I'll be graduating soon though and have to decide what I will do from there though." She gazed back at the small hut, noticing that she and Sesshoumaru had gone back inside. Even though they were not close enough for her to hear anything, Kagome knew Inuyasha was giving her the evil eye, wondering just why she was concealing her scent from him. Sesshoumaru had advised her to do it in order to prevent Inuyasha and the kit from scenting her arousal...as well his scent that was most likely deeply embedded in her clothes and body. She had agreed with him on that one; Inuyasha having a feral tirade would only ruin the holiday for everyone. "I thought about you too, you know; wondering what you were doing, if you had found anyone to marry..."
"Inu do not marry, Kagome, we mate," he replied. To her it sounded as if she should have known that information, and was disappointed in her for her ignorance on the matter. However, he just found the topic of a human ceremony a complete and utter waste of time, for something that could be rescinded at any given time was not truly binding, and therefore, useless. "It is far more binding than any human ceremony and can never be broken."
"Oh...I didn't know; I'm sorry if I insulted you." Just why she felt so embarrassed for not having known that bit of information, Kagome had no clue; she was but a human, and even though she had spent a good deal of time in the presence of beings with demon blood in their veins...
The Daiyoukai knew that he had the same as scolded the girl for something he shouldn't have and, so, he sought to correct the situation. Even a perfect being such as him did, in fact, make a mistake from time to time...but it was extremely rare. Besides, her state of distress had altered that lovely face and he found it to be unacceptable. "You did not know, therefore, it is not your fault. Inuyasha had no knowledge of the matter, and had to be educated on what it was to be Inu, even if it is only half."
"Oh...okay."
Continuing with the previous topic of discussion, the Daiyoukai then saw fit to inform the girl that he too was unattached...just to see her reaction to the news. How he hoped his confession of being alone brought her some form of happiness; such would provide him with invaluable information, even if it could be construed as useless due to the circumstances standing between them. It would still be nice to know. "To answer your question; no, I have not found a female to bind myself to. I have not bothered to search either, for I have all the time in the world in which to find myself a suitable candidate, and will not be rushed for any reason."
For some sick reason, it made her happy to hear that the demon was all alone; she had been going insane thinking that he had chosen another female to associate with and settled down into the role of husband and father by then. Kagome knew that it made her sound like a horrible person, but she could not help it. "I take it that the lands settled down after Naraku was destroyed?"
"They have quieted considerably, yes. My rule has expanded and the four lords have formed a council that I, myself, personally head." The Inu's chest swelled with marked pride over being able to tell the girl that he had become an even greater lord than he had been since they last saw one another. It brought a smile to her face. "Rin does miss the travelling that we did in the past, but has become accustomed to life at the castle; she has a garden in which to roam, and is allowed to visit Inuyasha and the others on a frequent basis if she so wishes."
"Well, it would seem as though everyone is...getting along great...with out me. I really am glad that you could move on with your lives..." God, why did she have to tear up when she said that? Couldn't she have managed to retain even a small shred of her dignity in order for the guy to be left with a pleasant image of her in his mind? Apparently not, for the cursed damned things still tried to fall from her eyes. Great.
How he hated to see tears in those eyes of hers; they wrenched his heart like nothing else could, especially since it had been his words that had put them there. He had to let her know that things were not as they seemed to be, feeling as though it would do her human heart good to know that. "Make no mistake, miko; while things are indeed in favor of those you left behind, no one had truly 'moved on', as you so colorfully put it. Your absence has had a sombering effect on all who knew you."
It was then that she noticed the silver chain around the Inu's neck, gleaming brilliantly against his skin and peering out at her from the folds of his haori. "Y-you're still wearing it, Sesshoumaru?"
Instantly his hand rose to the thin metallic strand that held his symbol, his finger lightly stroking the smooth finish, "I told you three and a half years ago, Kagome, it will ever remain where you placed it." Again, he had repeated himself...
Kagome cautiously reached up to reposition his left side of his haori so that she could have a better view. The demon did not react when her fingers grazed his flesh as she moved the garment, but an ever so quiet gasp did fall upon her ears. "I didn't think you would keep it on after I vanished; a part of me always knew you would not get rid of it, but I had no idea that..."
His powerful hand gripped her upper arm, demanding her undivided attention so that he knew she would finally understand something she should have some time ago. His eyes flashed brightly, catching her focus and the demon was satisfied that she was paying attention to him and nothing else. "Did you not realize the significance of my allowing you to place it upon my person, woman? You are educated, yet you are still but an ignorant onna in regard to youkai and their ways. There is nothing in this world that could have this Sesshoumaru desiring to remove your gift; it shall ever remain upon my person, even as I enter into the netherworld. Do you now understand the significance, Kagome?"
Slowly she nodded, her tiny shaking fingers stroking the gift she had given him so long ago; it touched her to her very soul that he would hold her gift in such high regard, so much so that it brought tears to her cornflower stained eyes yet again. "You have no idea just how that makes me feel, Sesshoumaru; I thought that everyone would forget me with time, and it hurt me so badly. The thing that hurts the most...that makes me feel as though I am dying little by little inside...is the fear that you will forget me completely, and what we had started, altogether ."
"That will never happen; your memory shall fade from neither the hearts, nor the minds of those who knew you, Kagome...this Sesshoumaru's, least of all," he uttered in vow. He was in no way shocked when the small woman threw her arms around his torso and pressed her cheek against his chest; in fact, he had been rather hopeful that she would, even though he would never have said it aloud.
She sobbed lightly, her face pressed to his chest in an attempt to hide from him; he would find her emotional state displeasing to his senses, and sully the glorious opportunity that had been given...to say their farewell properly. "I wish that I had known I would see you, and that I could have brought you a gift for Christmas."
"Your presence here tonight is more than sufficient, Kagome. However, it does place this Sesshoumaru in a bit of dilemma..." He trailed off, knowing that she would understand what his words meant, and hoping beyond reason that she would be receptive.
Kagome held her breath as she waited for him to do it, and when two fingers rested underneath her chin, her hands gripped the front of his clothes tightly out of anticipation. Her heart felt as if it were trying to escape her chest, pounding with such force that it frightened her more than a little. As his lips met hers, his arms guided her three paces to their right, until her back was pressed against a tree for support; familiar and satisfying were his tongue's lazy but precisely planned caresses, and Kagome would swear that she could feel the world spinning out of control. His hard body pressed into hers as his hands started roaming anywhere upon her person that they desired, steering clear of her lower regions for some reason. Just before his kiss intensified, the girl found it in her to reason that the demon had no desire to start something that could not be finished; while it was true that this dream seemed about as real as real could get, the facts remained unchanged. They were not really in each other's company and therefore Sesshoumaru was likely to have a pressing problem once he awoke...that thought did not help her though, envisioning the guy with a painful, full blown erection that he would most likely either have to take care of himself, or find someone else to do it for him.
Just as he had done the first time that they kissed, Sesshoumaru took his time in ending it, uttering an extremely sexy 'Merry Christmas' to her once they had separated.
Before she could form a response, a markedly strange feeling swept over her; she felt like she was being pulled away from the Daiyoukai by some unseen force, but she did not want to go. She wanted to stay a bit longer; to bask in his presence for as long as she could...He seemed so very far away to her then, like he was moving out of her reach and no matter her attempt to reach him, she could not manage to grasp hold of the demon she had missed so dearly.
Sesshoumaru felt so utterly helpless as he watched the girl slowly fade away before his very eyes. They had only begun to ease into being in each other's presence again; it was too soon for her to go back, he wanted for the girl to remain there for a while longer...Sesshoumaru lifted his hand to her, muttering a pathetic attempt at a good bye to the ningen onna that would ever haunt his days and his nights until the time came when he no longer walked the earth. Whether she had heard him, he did not know; he could only hope that she managed to understand what he had said, and that it brought her great comfort and happiness in her life when she might need it the most.
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Kagome glared at her annoying little brother as he shook the living daylights out of her to wake her up. Oh; she could have killed the little irritating brat for bringing her dream to an end. Souta gazed at her with shining bright eyes, announcing to her that it was Christmas morning and that she needed to get up so that they could open their gifts...
As the brat ran from the room, yelling 'Merry Christmas' in a voice loud enough to wake the dead, Kagome felt the first tear slide down her face. Covering her head with her pillow, she sobbed...hard. Gods; it hurt so much, much worse than anything that she had ever endured in the years she chased that half-demon Naraku. It should have brought her some peace, seeing him and discovering that they were all doing well; it didn't though, quite the opposite really. This was never what she wanted...
"Kagome, dear? Are you going to join the family downstairs?" her mother asked her from the foot of her bed, the struggle to remain impassive evident in her tone.
"Yeah, I'm coming," Kagome choked from underneath her pillow, "Give me a few minutes?"
"Of course dear; we'll be downstairs waiting for you."
Five minutes passed and, still, that pillow did not move even a millimeter.
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